September 22, 2023
HS38 - JR How Can I Convince You
How can I convince you there is wonder in the world? And that you possess something true?
I spent this week in Nashville, and on my way home decided to dig up some demos I recorded there with my pal Kevin McKendree—I’ve mentioned him before on HS. Something about the way we played together was forever both a challenge and a comfort to me because Kev can play all the stuff in his head and mine. I’ve always felt like our time together, much like my time with Thomas, was a portal, a doorway to exploring music that my limited ability would have never allowed without his talent as a guide.
I hadn’t listened to these Franklin, TN, demos in over ten years, and this one really crushed me.
I must remind myself constantly that there is wonder in the world.
Reconciling all the pain, suffering, and bullshit of our daily lives with the constant, almost moment-to-moment beauty, generosity, and transcendent revelations of the natural world can be a heavy lift. Ever smell a newborn’s head? Or see the colors jumping from the trees in Vermont in the fall? Ever laugh together with a stranger as you both get caught in the elevator door? The beauty is absurd.
And yet underneath this wonder, for me at least, is the gnawing, always on, self-annihilating inner monologue that says over and over that I might someday lose the things I love. I think maybe I’ve written a lot of material about loss and death because it feels like my only defense against it.
As one of my favorite songwriters, Will Oldham, sings with bone-crushing clarity: “I have a drive to live I won’t let go,” and I "see its opposition rising up sometimes.”
Ultimately, though, it's ironic that I plumb the painful parts of living because I really love this life. My secret is out now, I guess.
Today’s offering - some beautiful piano-playing by my friend, and a meditation, not fully formed but importantly asking, begging to know: how can I convince you there is wonder in this world?
Yours,
JR
There is wonder in the ability to touch so many people with your words. You can verbalize what a lot of people feel and that is beautiful.
Thank you
Beautiful song. Very relevant to me. Love the music.